Skating for enjoyment versus progress

I'm still not skating much. The summer schedule is not convenient, the ice condition varies wildly, I've got disappointed in some people involved in organizing my rink club, and I meet some of these people on a regular basis, I didn't get to test and I don't have a plan on what to work on... They are all valid excuses, but at points I wonder if they are just excuses, because I know, last year I would have found a way to skate. I also spend a lot of time doing trial judging and studying for it, that still counts as skating, right? Or does it?

I've always found skating is missing something. Or, I'm missing something in skating. I'm actually paying attention on this for a long time now. And I think that that "something" is somehow related with enjoyment. Ideally, it would be to enjoy every second on ice, and when I work on skills, to enjoy the process. I've wrote, when a first started the blog, a post about recreational skating versus training, and I said it there, training is hard. Looking back, whenever I pushed hard for progress, I didn't really enjoyed myself, the only satisfaction was the actual progress, not the process. On the other hand, I know for sure I still want a higher level of skills. That would allow me to move less careful, so more freely. I feel that that would give me more enjoyment.

There are just two ways I see people enjoying skating. One is doing competitions, so training for that moments when they present their program and that bring them joy. And when I worked for my Pre-Bronze freestyle program I enjoyed the process a lot. I'm thinking to start working on a new program, even if I don't have the elements (jumps and spins) I need for it.

The other way I see people enjoying skating is skating for themselves, and they don't seem to train or push. I used to feel like that before I started to skate with progress as a goal. I used to enjoy the gliding, the cold air on my face, the quietness of the mind. The problem is that I don't know how to get back to that at this point, plus, now I think I want even  more. For me, enjoyment is connected with self expression... with meaning and soul.

At least I start to see a kind of a plan. For now and immediate future it doesn't seem that I'll be able to skate much without putting extra effort in scheduling. The one good thing that comes out of skating less is that my hip feels really good. But whenever I'm on ice I should have in mind enjoyment. And, even if I'm not ready now, and don't even skate enough for it, I should somehow get to the point when I push for progress again...